Contentment

contentment with godliness is great gain
my lips smirk in amusement
are they still teaching this fallacious argument?

I know godliness, I spent years…
fervent study, steeped in the scalding bath
of rigidly rigorous religion
and with this came, not a sense of peace
or the calming air of an anchor -
never that,
only a helpless flailing, the paradox
of necessary good works and unconditional grace
draining any measure of control
freedom from responsibility
which seems to be a relief for some
but never, somehow, for me
contributing, compounding, feeding
the underlying vague uneasiness
hidden and unnamed, never allowed to surface

oh yes, I know godliness

but contentment, contentment is fleeting
deliciously so
free, almost, from objective empirical study
I can no more ‘know’ contentment
than I can know how a vacuum tastes
or the tune of the Earth’s birthing cry
how can uncertainty be liberating
when conviction is not?

although I do not know contentment
I can recognize it
I have experienced it,
reveled in it joyously
it reaches up and catches me by surprise,
always,
and this is a tingle of pleasure in itself

can I describe them to you?
these moments, that exist and are tasted and then vanish, laughing?
somehow words do not capture the feeling –
being breathless and filled with pure, bright air all at once;
knowing, as you gaze at the stars,
some of their light is captured in your own eyes
but knowing also that your companion cannot see it
(unless you are very, very lucky);
when silence is enough, and more;
how the sun filtering through bare-limbed trees
is the most nourishing thing you’ve ever known;
simple affectionate words, whispered playfully –
mean so much more than any coldly scrutinizing praise,
lofty and verbose;
the feeling of newly-cut grass under your bare feet
and its smell, the very scent of life,
wafting up around you;
this is all I can say of contentment

contentment without the further requirement of godliness,
from what I can tell, is the greatest gain of all